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Jonathan Pouliot-Konopka's avatar

Donner Pass

Various parks, two figures wearing wide hats, Father’s negative replies. Disappointments and dreams…

Wilderness Night 1

Silent night. Something soft against the tent. Silence. The short sentences, sometimes just one word, help induce tension…

Wilderness Night 2

Dull gray sunlight--don’t see that very often! The softness becomes scratching, entombment, heartbeat, pulse…FOOTPRINTS!?

Wilderness Night 3

Wasn’t expecting Easter Eggs! Down. Whistles, collapsing fabric, panting…

Wilderness Night 5

Where the hell is night 4? The themes must have stolen it! Petals, lava, dripping… Vomit. Get in the tent! Good boy.

Unknown

Autonomous meat, motion, closer, judgement. Towards the volcano!

This chapter shows us a different set of emotions, starting with exposition then moving into tension. Your characterisation of the forest works well, seems to personify the child’s father’s sternness. You did well!

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Jonathan Pohl's avatar

Eh, sounds like an psychedelic trip. A kind of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, just set in forrest.

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