Story begins as described. Ashes for the earth, memories of Father, wind as breath of the Earth…
Mojave
Suckerfish of failure…
Kennedy Meadows
Sometimes, your paragraphs seem to cut out into the next sentence, leaving behind a gap. Must be formatting on Substack.
Forester Path
A scream, a cougar! Seems to be conflicting memories, father’s cruelty, ordered to kill.
Sonora Path
Blood in the snow, earth torn apart…
A story that characterizes environment, conflicted by the MC’s memories. Seems like he’s placing ashes where he had struggles with his father, alluding to storytelling and overcoming problems. The story has a McCarthy vibe, and although he was a weirdo groomer, his writing was phenomenal back in the day (I never liked him, tho).
Overall a story transformative and environmental, thanks for sharing!
Interestingly, I've never read McCarthy. But I'll take it as a compliment.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. You clearly engaged deeply and that means more than all the accolades in the world. I will double check formatting on my next release. Scrolling back through I saw some errors. Thank you for pointing them out. I'm still getting the hang of this place.
Glad you appreciate my post, too! About half of users don't go beyond a Like, so finding others willing to connect is great. But yes, when I read, I think, try to learn what the author intended. We need more transformative novels, not entertaining pulp fiction! That's actually what AI cannot replicate, creating literature that ascends the reader's imagination and beliefs.
Ha, I still get lost in Substack XD it's simply arranged but hard to remember, oddly enough. But you'll get the hang of it soon!
Of course, I’m 47, and I’ve been writing for 35 years. Other than a brief (and weird) detour into creepypasta, I’ve only ever shared my work with people I know. So being here, having folks actually engage with my stories, whether they’re excited, confused, or trying to help me get better, it’s still surreal. And really exciting.
I just love writing. Always have. I never thought more than a couple people would be into my weird little stories, so thanks for proving me wrong.
I was completely pulled into this. The way you captured the weight of carrying a parent's memory and the critical voice that can come with it is incredibly powerful. Thank you for sharing such an honest and difficult journey.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I write because it helps me work through feelings and ideas. This story was a huge part of that. I'm so happy it's resonated with others. The rest of the story is up.
Absolutely enjoyed this story. Every time the dead father whispers something into his ear my heart melts a bit. The greatest/saddest human stories are always those that occur between parent and child.
My goodness there is nothing that cut deeper than a relationship between a father and son and the memories that the son keeps, the emotions that remain. very good work
The spectral weight of a father’s voice lingers like an echo across time—your words transported me through layered histories of this mountain, each era bleeding into the next with haunting fluidity.
The haunting of a father’s voice is really profound! While reading it, I felt like I was flowing between different timelines that have occurred on the mountain as well!
Thank you so much. I can see where it would feel that way. The father's voice is a both ghost and memory. Part 2 was released today. It's a big thematic shift. I hope it feels earned.
I love your use of punctuation — it feels very intentional and kept pulling me along. I thought the descriptive language was well-chosen, as I could picture the images very clearly in my head.
Thank you. I think that’s the first time someone has commented my use of punctuation. I love how geeky this pace gets! I hope you stick around for the rest of the story.
Ooooo ok I really loved this one!! The opening lines drew me in as soon as you said he carrying his fathers remain. The sublime (in the Romantic sense) was also portrayed so well alongside the narrator's negative voice being his father. There's such a fascinating tension for me with father son relationships, especially strained ones.
Loved these lines specifically:
"The past rose up like bile."
"The mountain threw my words back in a dozen directions. Mocking. Twisting them. Not mine anymore."
Great job!! Will definitely be reading Part 2!! :)
Thank you so much. And you just confirmed a very tough edit. I cut an entire section that served as basically a prologue. It was hard to let it go but this felt right.
Well done again! Seriously love your writing. I like the strained family relationship and the voice inside the main characters head, testing him in the unforgiving wilderness. Dark and captivating. Can’t wait for part 2.
And thank you so much. When I opened this account, I told my wife my goal was to find the three readers who connected with my writing. I have at least 4 maybe 5 of you responding to every post. and over 100 subs in a month. This feels like overachieving.
I love that we have to dive into this in order to sort out what he's going through. It works well for this piece, the back and forth bits, the agony, the truth. Stunning
There’s a jaggedness to the structure that feels intentional, like the emotional equivalent of altitude sickness. You don’t ease us from one section to the next; you drop us. It’s disorienting, but it fits, because grief doesn’t follow a clean line, and trauma rarely plays out chronologically. Each new location feels like both a waypoint on the map and a psychic wound being re-opened. I'm guessing that was your intent, and it works beautifully.
The moments that landed hardest weren’t always the big ones — they were the intrusions. The way the father’s voice cuts in like a reflex the narrator can’t unlearn. Those lines hit like shrapnel. Especially “You are so dramatic.” That one sunk in cold. And I love how the environment clearly isn’t just a backdrop here. It IS the narrative, a slow devouring force. The wilderness isn’t healing. It’s witness. Maybe judge.
Looking forward to Part 2, even if I’m not sure I’m ready for where it’s going to take us!
You brought tears to my eyes. Seriously, thank you so much. That is amazing. You hit on so many key points and foreshadowing of the story. I live in the Serria Nevada foothills. They are a character to me in the same way that New York is to Woody Allen. I'm sorry if I'm being vague. Your review was so touching, and I want to engage, but I'm also trying not to drop spoilers.
Story begins as described. Ashes for the earth, memories of Father, wind as breath of the Earth…
Mojave
Suckerfish of failure…
Kennedy Meadows
Sometimes, your paragraphs seem to cut out into the next sentence, leaving behind a gap. Must be formatting on Substack.
Forester Path
A scream, a cougar! Seems to be conflicting memories, father’s cruelty, ordered to kill.
Sonora Path
Blood in the snow, earth torn apart…
A story that characterizes environment, conflicted by the MC’s memories. Seems like he’s placing ashes where he had struggles with his father, alluding to storytelling and overcoming problems. The story has a McCarthy vibe, and although he was a weirdo groomer, his writing was phenomenal back in the day (I never liked him, tho).
Overall a story transformative and environmental, thanks for sharing!
Interestingly, I've never read McCarthy. But I'll take it as a compliment.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. You clearly engaged deeply and that means more than all the accolades in the world. I will double check formatting on my next release. Scrolling back through I saw some errors. Thank you for pointing them out. I'm still getting the hang of this place.
oh? XD now that's something I didnt expect!
Glad you appreciate my post, too! About half of users don't go beyond a Like, so finding others willing to connect is great. But yes, when I read, I think, try to learn what the author intended. We need more transformative novels, not entertaining pulp fiction! That's actually what AI cannot replicate, creating literature that ascends the reader's imagination and beliefs.
Ha, I still get lost in Substack XD it's simply arranged but hard to remember, oddly enough. But you'll get the hang of it soon!
Of course, I’m 47, and I’ve been writing for 35 years. Other than a brief (and weird) detour into creepypasta, I’ve only ever shared my work with people I know. So being here, having folks actually engage with my stories, whether they’re excited, confused, or trying to help me get better, it’s still surreal. And really exciting.
I just love writing. Always have. I never thought more than a couple people would be into my weird little stories, so thanks for proving me wrong.
Hope you stick around.
all great points! Glad you stuck to writing, you have too much experience to let go.
I will be around for as long as I can, I'm just busy with lots of things so am on the slower side XD but slow is better than unmoving.
No pressure come when you can. Like and restack when you have time. And when you have more comment and we can chat.
I get it. I have a very full life too.
good job!
Thank you. The rest of the story is up as well.
Woah it's good
Well thank you. The other two parts are available now. The whole story is a little over 5000 words. I hope you enjoy it.
I'm not sure what I did to create a resurgence on Part 1, but I'm glad to see people finding it.
I was completely pulled into this. The way you captured the weight of carrying a parent's memory and the critical voice that can come with it is incredibly powerful. Thank you for sharing such an honest and difficult journey.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I write because it helps me work through feelings and ideas. This story was a huge part of that. I'm so happy it's resonated with others. The rest of the story is up.
I also write for sort of same reasons. Keep going.
I have no choice. New stories coming weekly for now.
Perfect. I'll be looking forward to it.
The father's voice was so crippling. You have such a unique voice.
Thank you so much. This is a really special story to me. I hope you stick around. The third and final part drops tomorrow. And a lot more coming.
I will keep my eyes open
about 20 minutes. and the 2nd one is up now.
Absolutely enjoyed this story. Every time the dead father whispers something into his ear my heart melts a bit. The greatest/saddest human stories are always those that occur between parent and child.
Thank you so much for reading and enjoy. Part 2 is live now and part 3 drops Tuesday.
If there is such a thing as a simple parent child relationship, they are rare
My goodness there is nothing that cut deeper than a relationship between a father and son and the memories that the son keeps, the emotions that remain. very good work
Thank you so much. I'm glad it hit.
The spectral weight of a father’s voice lingers like an echo across time—your words transported me through layered histories of this mountain, each era bleeding into the next with haunting fluidity.
Thank you so much for this incredible review. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as well.
The haunting of a father’s voice is really profound! While reading it, I felt like I was flowing between different timelines that have occurred on the mountain as well!
Thank you so much. I can see where it would feel that way. The father's voice is a both ghost and memory. Part 2 was released today. It's a big thematic shift. I hope it feels earned.
Yes! I’m going to go read that one now too!
Glad to have you abord!
I love your use of punctuation — it feels very intentional and kept pulling me along. I thought the descriptive language was well-chosen, as I could picture the images very clearly in my head.
Thank you. I think that’s the first time someone has commented my use of punctuation. I love how geeky this pace gets! I hope you stick around for the rest of the story.
Well written..
Thank you. I hope you come back for the rest.
Ooooo ok I really loved this one!! The opening lines drew me in as soon as you said he carrying his fathers remain. The sublime (in the Romantic sense) was also portrayed so well alongside the narrator's negative voice being his father. There's such a fascinating tension for me with father son relationships, especially strained ones.
Loved these lines specifically:
"The past rose up like bile."
"The mountain threw my words back in a dozen directions. Mocking. Twisting them. Not mine anymore."
Great job!! Will definitely be reading Part 2!! :)
Thank you so much. And you just confirmed a very tough edit. I cut an entire section that served as basically a prologue. It was hard to let it go but this felt right.
Well done again! Seriously love your writing. I like the strained family relationship and the voice inside the main characters head, testing him in the unforgiving wilderness. Dark and captivating. Can’t wait for part 2.
Only a few days off!
And thank you so much. When I opened this account, I told my wife my goal was to find the three readers who connected with my writing. I have at least 4 maybe 5 of you responding to every post. and over 100 subs in a month. This feels like overachieving.
Well deserved! I’m sure more will come!
I love complicated family dramas, especially when there's a hint of the supernatural to go along with it!
Thank you. You are the first to mention the hint of the supernatural, I was starting to worry I was going to lose a lot of people at the turn.
I love that we have to dive into this in order to sort out what he's going through. It works well for this piece, the back and forth bits, the agony, the truth. Stunning
Thank you so much. I don't know how I missed this.
Excellent piece.
There’s a jaggedness to the structure that feels intentional, like the emotional equivalent of altitude sickness. You don’t ease us from one section to the next; you drop us. It’s disorienting, but it fits, because grief doesn’t follow a clean line, and trauma rarely plays out chronologically. Each new location feels like both a waypoint on the map and a psychic wound being re-opened. I'm guessing that was your intent, and it works beautifully.
The moments that landed hardest weren’t always the big ones — they were the intrusions. The way the father’s voice cuts in like a reflex the narrator can’t unlearn. Those lines hit like shrapnel. Especially “You are so dramatic.” That one sunk in cold. And I love how the environment clearly isn’t just a backdrop here. It IS the narrative, a slow devouring force. The wilderness isn’t healing. It’s witness. Maybe judge.
Looking forward to Part 2, even if I’m not sure I’m ready for where it’s going to take us!
You brought tears to my eyes. Seriously, thank you so much. That is amazing. You hit on so many key points and foreshadowing of the story. I live in the Serria Nevada foothills. They are a character to me in the same way that New York is to Woody Allen. I'm sorry if I'm being vague. Your review was so touching, and I want to engage, but I'm also trying not to drop spoilers.
I'm not particularly familiar with the region, but you made me feel it.
I really enjoyed it, and I'm eagerly awaiting part 2. No spoilers necessary! 😜
I'm going to restack your review. Thank you again.